Our social lives can become full of obligations and relationships and events that are draining on us, or that could be toxic or without us noticing have become a heavy burden which is actually quite unnecessary. How do we cleanse our social life to declutter things weighing us down? In today’s video this is the topic I am walking you through to help you become more true to the mid-life you.
We often think of decluttering as being about getting rid of stuff…when to get maximum results, we need to be thinking about decluttering as a holistic practice (just like style,) and this includes detoxing your social life!
Once you’ve hit your 40s and 50s, more than likely you’ll have collected all sorts of people – some of whom have a positive joyful impact on your life…and others less so…
Are you surrounding yourself by people who inspire you?
Maybe some friends already edited themselves out of your life, as can happen during divorce…You can also chose to declutter or trim down your other friends and acquaintances, your facebook friends and social media followers.
Freeing yourself of unwanted friends, events and acquaintances frees up mental space, time and energy so that you can invite new people and bonds into your life…because whilst life’s too short not to live it fully, you also need time for yourself and time to live a layered, rich and joyful life.
As women, we are often overburdened by saying yes, even if that means a silent yes – the yes of washing the kids dirty uniforms, or the silent burden of driving to buy an ageing relative medicine, yes to driving across town to meet a new date even though you’re exhausted.
Even if you’re past the phase of saying yes to everything at work (even if just to prove yourself to yourself, or as a successful woman in a high powered field,) with friends and family, it can be a different story.
It’s time to Declutter the curse of overgiving and always saying YES to others.
This overgiving can stem from a feeling of guilt (especially if you’re from a traditional or religious background) and obligation, or of historical precedent and fond but distant memories. Of course, there are many things that we enjoy, or need to say yes to…but it’s also important to be mindful of saying yes on autopilot…even if that’s silently…
In saying yes to everyone else, you are inherently saying no to yourself. If you’re a people pleaser, and seem to say yes to everything and everyone, it can be interesting to reflect on why…do you want to meet a new love for example, but fear is holding you back, so you hide in a cloud of busy-ness? Are you afraid of rocking the boat, and so just maintain how things have always been – even if that’s no longer in your best interest? Are you hiding your loneliness in a fog of saying yes, when in reality you’re saying yes to everyone but yourself?
There is only so much time – and at this point in life, you are aware that time is finite…so lose the obligation to say yes to social events that don’t make you feel good.
Declutter the yes of getting roped into meetings that you don’t need to be in, or garden parties to keep up with the Joneses, when you’d rather be in the bathtub, or your best friends son would do with picking your brain about his career – again, or the over organizational friend, who insists on weekly zooms or book club meetings, or another student who wants to be mentored…
Remember style is self care – you can’t do everything, and at this point, the best thing you can do, is to say yes to you!
Onto step 2…
Make a commitment to yourself to limit interaction with meanies and declutter the guilt of letting people go!
Ask yourself How you feel when you’ve spent time with certain people? Uplifted, excited, inspired…or drained
Let go of People who drain your energy
People who disregard your feelings
Who Lack empathy
Or Make you feel uncomfortable being yourself
It’s time to purge people who aren’t in tune with the next level you – friends who are unsupportive and always questioning your decisions, who think you’re crazy and are negative nellies about life or your decisions…
Or So called friends who are holding you back, or whom you dread seeing
Or whom you don’t enjoy seeing, but have bonds since childhood and your families know each other
Those Who are completely selfish – it’s always about them!
Or people Who are unwilling to acknowledge that you’re changing, and want you to stay exactly how you were
People who leave you feeling manipulated, even when you promised yourself you wouldn’t get sucked in again
Who disregard or belittle your experience of menopause or midlife
Who are never there for you when you really need them
Fiendish Friends who suck all your energy – who use you as an emotional dumping ground, and never reciprocate the ear or empathy
Whom you enjoy seeing in the moment, but leave you feeling strangely empty and sad in yourself afterwards.
I know you’re busy, and holding onto old bonds that are no longer serving you will not only feel liberating, but open up time and energy for new friends and followers! In creating space, who knows who you might meet, or may come into your life if you allow them!
Which brings me neatly to step 3.
It’s time to DETOX THE INBOX!
Declutter your contact list and inbox
On aaaallll your email accounts and social media
Unsubscribe to all those emails that you had to sign up to when trying to buy something…that are now clogging up your inbox, and draining your energy – even if that’s in ignoring them! We want to free up as much energy as possible to leave you open to new interactions and occasions…
Take a check on how many email accounts you have – do you need them all?
This includes social apps that you never use (even if you keep saying you will…) and random guys from online dating who you never want to see again.
Outsource if necessary
Once, I had no storage left on my email (alongside the 52, 859 unread emails.) I watched it creep up – 89% capacity, 92%…and it was starting to stress me out. In the end I bulk archived and bulk deleted years and years and years of old emails…Yes, I was worried that I’d lose an important memory, or email address…but in reality, the majority of what happened in my inbox 7 years ago had ceased to matter. I kept a few emails from contacts that are still significant, but the bulk bye bye was incredibly liberating and I haven’t looked back. I think it’s time to re-do that exercise myself!
Decluttering your social life brings a feeling of freedom and exciting new possibilities – and who knows what that may bring!
Of course, this process can bring up all sorts of limiting beliefs and mental clutter that is important to address…to find out more, check out my next video…
Lots of love xoxo Aleksandra