How-To

How To Declutter Your Inner Self to feel more fulfilled

Continuing our series on decluttering, today I’m talking about how to declutter your inner self.

Decluttering our environment is a great way to trigger the need to turn our thoughts inside and thinking about what we could do with purging from our minds.

Today I share some tips on how to approach decluttering your mind to help you on your declutter journey to a better more fulfilled version of you.

What do you say to yourself when you catch a glimpse of yourself reflected in a shop window, or car mirror. How are you judging yourself?

It’s time to declutter your inner voices, to move forward to feeling fabulous from the inside out!

It can be too easy to be harsher on ourselves than a nun catching you wearing a too short skirt (that you’ve actually rolled up a few inches, and paired with reflective non-regulation patent shoes…can you tell I used to be a convent girl…)

What do you say to yourself when you wake up in the morning and first see yourself in the bathroom mirror?

Many women start the day something like this: “I look so tired, I look so old, why do I look so rough, wow, my eye bags are so puffy today, where did all these wrinkles come from, why can’t I find anything that suits me…”

But where does this matinal self flagellation come from, and how can you step into your Next Level You – into renewed confidence and contentment, style and self love – so that you feel fabulous and definitely more vavavoom? That’s the subject of this video!

 

  1. Reflect on your style story – be your own style detective!

Where have your beliefs about style and self image come from? Your partner, your culture, your family, your education, the books you read, the series you watch – the way you were raised?

It doesn’t have to be negative or positive – just think about what beliefs you have, and where those beliefs about appearance, about femininity, about yourself might have come from.

I’m from a family where I rarely saw my mother wearing trousers as a child (she was a primary school teacher, and not allowed to wear trousers at the time.) Other women in our close knit community likewise constantly wore skirts and were always polished (as well as being Polish. Sorry not sorry, I love a pun.) Our war inspired Polish uniforms – based on what our grandmothers might have worn when they were crossing the world with the army – were loose pencil skirts, with heavily symbolic medals and ropes, and a waist cinching belt with a fancy metal buckle. Likewise, as a dancer, dresses were heavy, but they didn’t stop you from swirling, or being thrown up into the air by male dancers. The message was undoubtedly that women can do anything in skirts, and that informed my early ideas of elegance and femininity.

How we saw other early examples of femininity, or of our female role models treating themselves, informs and affects your beliefs – perhaps that no man would find an older woman attractive for example, or maybe you had a mum that was always dieting, leading you to believe the smaller the better, or that it is undesirable to love the size you are, that you should try to change.

  1. Consider what you consume

If you are constantly reading about 20 something celebrities and models in itsy bitsy dresses hanging off the arms of much older men, or publications with overly re-touched images of women with no apparent wrinkles or eye bags – even when they are a well known mid-life celebrity – or of tales of dramatic weight loss that leads to them looking fabulous with perfect ‘bikini bodies,’ it can be easy to subconsciously slip into negative belief cycles about age and appearance.

Likewise magazines that are telling you what you should wear at certain times in your life – you know the sorts of articles – ‘6 hair styles perfect for the over 40s.’ Age appropriate is what you want it to be at your age!

Think about How this impacts you today?

Whilst I was often in a skirt, my parents had a strong idea of equality and fairness, and my brother and I were often dressed the same…At the same time, I dreamed of pointy shoes with bows – especially ones where the buckle could move to the back like I’d seen other girls wearing. I was even exempt from wearing the regulation shoes at my strict school, as mama had found a more masculine style appropriate for my apparently wider feet. This made me miserable (even if today they’d be the epitome of cool!) I thought I’d always be stuck with my Bigfoot problem, in boys shoes…But by the time I got to the sixth form, where the rules loosened a little – I was ready to rebel in cute mini-heeled Mary Janes, worn with sheer black 15 deniers, and even today I’m a big fan of a frou frou shoes following years of frumpty dumpty shoes.

This might be a lighthearted example, but conditioning from our childhood – the fact that your grandmother called you ‘attractive’ rather than ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ as she called your friends (true story,) can linger for years, and subconsciously impact your self-belief and ideas about style and appearance.

It’s time to quieten the negative voices that can leave you feeling less than yourself, and to give yourself grace. Identifying your limiting beliefs on your style and self beliefs can help you to reflect on the lens through which you see yourself, which is the first step to decluttering them! Maybe you hear the harsh childhood voices of your parents telling you you must get top grades and do well at school – this isn’t about blaming your parents – they were probably just trying to do there best to help you to succeed in life, but often putting a lot of pressure on you in the process…this can lead to perfectionist tendencies as an adult for example…and an emphasis on constant striving and pushing…Of course this can be very useful in the world! In business, and to get things done, but it can also lead to a flat or one dimensional life, as you become disconnected from yourself, and place too much emphasis on the doing – the career, the family – the outward signifiers of success and not the being – the feeling blissful or content or happy. So it’s not only time to declutter the bad things you say about yourself, but also to accept your feelings, and purge them where necessary.

In my next level you method we work on your inner and external style and self, because I know that you are interested in genuine change, and not just the band aid of a new outfit

You need to embody your new style from the inside out, so that you wear your outfits with the right mental attitude, and live, not just look like, your next level self!

When I work with clients, listening and coaching is integral to my approach, so that we address the fundamentals so that you can move forward with increased ease! For deeper issues, seeing a therapist can be hugely beneficial, even if you’re from a background, like me, where you don’t talk about your feelings. Share thoughts with friends, and let yourself feel…don’t always hold back those tears – but don’t constantly wallow in self pity either…

 There are lots of apps such as headspace or insight timer that can help with inner calm through meditation practices, and breathing is of course fundamental! Breathing is your body decluttering – purging and deoxygenating – plus deep breathing can calm the parasympathetic nervous system which can help you to relax, and there’s a simple and fun exercise in my free declutter guide, that you can access in the notes below. To find out how to change your limiting beliefs, and rewire your neural networks, then watch my next video!

Lots of love, xoxo Aleksandra

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